Updated: Jun 20
I recently discovered that due to the trauma in my childhood, I have spent my entire life changing who I am in a desperate attempt to get others to love me. The worst of these were in romantic relationships. I believed that if I became who the person wanted me to be they would love me forever. The problem is, that isn't sustainable. The truth is, I've been through so much trauma therapy and recovery that I'm not who I used to be and I'm not who I was trying to be. Now newly single I will set out on an adventure of self discovery and healing. I refuse to give up on the idea of having someone love me as a whole so I will Elizabeth Taylor my way through this life if I have to but between my last husband and my next husband I will date myself.
After spending my entire childhood being abused and dealing with abusive men, I learned to abuse myself. The detrimental negativity consumes my brain and attaches itself to every thought like a sticky tar on a hot summer roof. I have to work really hard to clean it off. I have to tell myself that I’m beautiful. I have to tell myself that I’m smart. I have to tell myself that I’m worthy of taking up space here in this universe, on this planet, in this country, state, city, right here, right now in this room on this spot at this moment! I am worthy.
With all the hard work that I’ve done, I have come to a point where I have to say goodbye. I say goodbye to the abused, victimized girl. I say goodbye to the drug addict and alcoholic. I say goodbye to the girl with unhealthy coping skills and unhealthy boundaries. I say goodbye to Melissa Hysmith, Langford, Graves, Urbanik.
Now that we’ve said our goodbyes and lovingly let that person go. Let me introduce you. Say hello to a grown woman who has learned to deal with and move on from her trauma. Say hello to a woman who has learned how to be present and not want or need to escape reality. Say hello to a woman that has renewed her faith in God. Say hello to Mia GiAngelos!
I am the love story I’ve been waiting for. I have found my soulmate by looking inside myself. I am the love of my life!