How many of you have heard the expression “You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince? And how many of you feel like you’ve kissed a lot of frogs and still haven’t found a prince? Or maybe you found your prince but feel like you wasted a lot of kisses on frogs?
I’ve done a lot of research on this. In the field. With men. I’ve dated a lot and I’ve had a lot of serious relationships. I know I don’t look old enough to have had a lot but I lived fast and furious in my love life. I thought it was a race. What I’ve realized is that how you start your dating relationship...has absolutely no bearing on how the actual relationship will go or how long it will last.
How many here have read the book or at least heard of the book The Rules by Ellen Fein? This book will tell you that if you follow these rules you’ll get the guy every single time. It has rules like:
Take care of yourself, smell good, dress up
We should ALL be doing this for ourselves! It’s called good hygiene!
Don’t be available
How am I supposed to go on a date if I’m never available? I’m not sitting at home eating ice cream!
Don’t date people who are dating other people
Speed dating is out...online dating is out...and I’m out
Only casual kissing on the first date
What is casual kissing? Does anyone know because I’m pretty sure I’ve broken this rule.
Don’t have sex.
On the first date or ever? They weren’t really clear. Either way...oops. Did it and married him!
Act like his or her life is fine and you don’t want to change anything about them
This one is a doozy. If there are things you want to change about them...they’re a frog! Maybe not to someone else but to you they are!
What I learned from The Rules is that I’m a rule breaker. I’ve broken every single one of these rules and I still got the guy! So what does that mean? Is it because I’m attractive? That only gets you so far with a quality man. Were any of my exes quality men? No! They were frogs. I got them because I was settling. I didn’t know my own value so I was willing to accept them at their value as a frog.
What is a frog?
No job and/or no car - in the 90s this was known as a scrub
Just don’t with these. They aren’t grown men yet!
This goes for women too. The last I didn’t have a job and car I was 15. That should tell you something guys.
This guy asked me out once and asked me to pick him up...
No hobbies or interest
If he doesn’t have anything to be interested in he isn’t going to be interesting in the long run.You’re looking at a future couch potato.
I had an ex that thought going to the gym was his hobby. It is not a hobby. It is a healthy lifestyle choice. He would spend the rest of his time in front of the television or on video games.
If he doesn’t have any friends you can look forward to being smothered.
Again, I had an ex that always wanted to do everything with me, even mani pedis! There’s nothing wrong with a guy getting a mani pedi but a girl needs her girl time just like a guy needs his guy time!
If SHE doesn’t have any friends, you’re looking at a future stage 5 clinger!
When you are ready to find someone for a long lasting relationship you have to look for qualities that will last. This is still no guarantee as long term relationships take work but it will take even more work if you don’t start with a quality partner.
How do you find a quality partner? You start by making sure you’re of quality. Raise your stock in yourself. Date yourself first. I spent last year dating myself. I swore off men all together during this process. I learned so much about myself! Take time to learn what you like and don’t like. Learn to love yourself and learn to be happy being on your own and then you’ll stop kissing frogs because you’ll realize what you want is a quality partner and you’ll know you’re worth it. Stop kissing frogs!